I was talking to my therapist the other night about finding satisfaction in God. In my Bible study, Breaking Free, we are discussing the benefits of knowing God personally, and one of the benefits is finding satisfaction in God. This is an excerpt from the Bible study by Beth Moore:

In Jeremiah 31:25, the Hebrew word for satisfy is male meaning "to fill, accomplish, the filling of something that was empty...the act of replenishment as well as the experience of satiation." The word faint is da'ab meaning "to pine" (Strong's). We can easily be led into captivity by seeking other answers to needs and desires only God is equipped to meet. How often do we "pine" for something we can't identify? Perhaps each of us has experienced a longing or an empty place deep inside that we tried our best to ignore.

A very crucial part of fleshing out our liberation in Christ means allowing Him to fill the empty places in our lives. Satisfaction in Christ can be a reality. I (Beth Moore) know from experience, and I want everyone to know how complete He can make us feel. I'm not talking about a life full of activities. I'm talking about a soul full of Jesus.

The filling only He can give does not automatically accompany our salvation. I was in my early 30s before I understood the huge difference between salvation from sin and satisfaction of the soul. Salvation secures our lives for all eternity. Soul satisfaction insures abundant life on earth.

My therapist and I had come to the conclusion that no one can be ultimately fulfilled this side of heaven. Otherwise, we wouldn't have need for God after we found that fulfillment. Why would Paul want to leave this earth and go to heaven so badly if he could be totally fulfilled here on earth? I wasn't talking about the absence of pain and suffering, though. I know we live in a fallen world and there will be pain and suffering as long as we are on this earth. What I'm talking about is my painful attachments to authority figures. I KNOW another human being cannot fulfill me and satisfy me - that's a job that only Christ can do. But I'll be darned if I know how to turn to Him and ask Him to do that for me. I clearly am still overly attached to my therapist: I want her to be everything to me - my savior, my mommy, my best friend, my mentor, my buddy, my therapist, etc. But she can't be all this even if she wanted to! Only God can meet all those needs for me. So I was confused. My therapist says God can't totally fulfill us this side of heaven, Beth Moore says God can...it was enough to make my head spin. I went into her office crying and she told me that Beth Moore is not the Word of God, she herself (my therapist) is not the Word of God, the Word of God is the Holy Bible and I should delve into it and pray and ask God to reveal to me exactly what I want to know about satisfaction and fulfillment this side of heaven. I told her this is so hard because of my BPD; I see everything in absolutes and I'm terrified of being abandoned, even by God. She said I would have to pray for clear lenses when I am reading His Word and praying.  

We then started talking about specific verses. She said some of them were HARD verses. In the Bible it says if you have faith you can move mountains. She has a brother who is not a believer and she's been praying for years that he would become a believer. He's not yet one - so does that mean she just doesn't have enough faith? There are verses that say things like God will give you the desires of your heart, but what about couples experiencing infertility? Are they lacking faith? Those are hard questions to ask and answer. I don't have an answer to those questions. All I know, though, is that God is good, and faithful, and loving and just. Whether or not I ever find an answer to my question, I will follow Him.